Covering University of Colorado sports, mostly basketball, since 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday Beer Post: Gameday Beer-o-the-week - Texas Tech Edition

Each week throughout the football season I'm going to suggest a good beer for the ubiquitous pre-game tailgate. Let's be honest, with tailgates it's not always top quality that you're looking for. To steal a phrase from the heinous beer terrorists at Budweiser, you want "drinkability." (or what a real beer connoisseur calls "a session beer") So, be warned, these may not be "the best" beers around. But, in the words of Dave Chappelle as Samuel L. Jackson "IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK!"

This week marks the final visit of a Texas team to Folsom Field for the foreseeable future. In last week's post I promised a 6-pack of this week's beer to the first person who could guess what I'd choose to celebrate the occasion. I had a bunch of guesses. No, it's not Shiner Bock (or anything from the Spoetzl Brewery); I ain't going to pick something with a ram's head on it. It's not those Budweiser's with the state of Texas on them, either. Nope, it can be only one beer: a beer that is not only as horrible as any other on the planet, but also carries with it that typical Texas pomposity. Rick got it right; this week's Tailgate Beer-o-the-week is the one, the only, Lone Star Beer.

Honestly, what else could I have picked? Brewed with what I can only assume is 100% rat urine, Lone Star is a beer only a Texan could love. The one time I had Lone Star it gave me the worst hangover I've ever had; this stuff is mostly poison, and I feel bad if you're ever stuck with this at a drinking establishment. One of my friends once had the "brilliant" idea of brewing coffee with beer. All he had in his fridge was some months old Lone Star; what would've been a horrible idea had just gotten much worse. The stink alone should've killed us all. I cannot stress this enough do not drink this beer if you have any other option.

It even says "don't mess with Texas" on the bottle; fuck that shit. Texans as a whole have poisoned this state for far to long; coming in to ski, clog up our roads, and push us around on the football fields. I certainly have a policy of messing with Texas, and on Saturday so will the Buffs. Fuck them, fuck their beer, fuck their politics, and fuck their football. Pac-12 bitchez!

Happy Friday! Go Buffs, Beat Tech!

(P.S.: Rico won last week's psuedo-contest, so I would be buying him a 6-pack of Lone Star had it been available anywhere on-line. I thought that in this age of on-line beer ordering that I could find some Texas distributor willing to ship that shit to California, but even the online guys won't touch Lone Star; it's that bad. So, Rico, I'll have to come-up with some other shitty beer to send you. Send me your address, and wait for the horror...)


Rico said...

California hobos have standards. They would rather buy a 40 of Olde English than a sixer of Lone Star and distributors understand this.

I was really hoping that I was wrong about the beer so you wouldn't feel obligated to send me that shitty beer. I'm usually pretty diplomatic when it comes to macros, but Lone Star is the North Korea of mass produced beer. I'm pretty sure the CIA considered using LoneStar to waterboard detainees for faster confessions.

RumblinBuff said...

That's some good Lone Star bashing. Kudos, sir.

Anonymous said...

it gave you the worst hangover you've ever had? baha, that's not the lonestar, that's you being a terrible drinker, idiot. it has the same alcohol amount as any other beer. you suck, not lonestar.